Do NOT see Stephen King's "The Mist".

... well, not if you're a parent anyway.

Tonight, Alli and I got to go to a free pre-showing of Stephen King's "The Mist", and let me tell you... that movie will work you over. Continue reading for movie recap spoiler and commentary.

Here's the movie in summary:

Bad storm comes at night to small Oregon town.
Hero and son drive to supermarket next day for supplies.
Weird mist rolls in.
ZERO visibility.
Blood-stained guy runs in.
People don't freak. (They don't know they're in a movie called "The Mist.")
Later, tentacles swipe a guy, but few believe it.
People don't freak.
Some shoppers decide to leave.
Bottom-half of one makes it back to store.
People freak.
Crazy Lady claims God hates everyone but her and mist is proof.
That evening, lots of bug monsters attack.
People freak.
Guy accidentally sets himself on fire.
Hero goes next door for medicine.
Spider-monsters rule next door.
People freak.
Crazy lady becomes Jim Jones.
Soldier recounts trans-dimensional military project.
People freak.
Soldier sacrificed.
Hero entourage tries to leave.
Hero's son almost sacrificed.
Crazy Lady dies.
Audience freaks (in a good way).

It would have been nice if the movie had just ended there; but it didn't. I won't say specifically what happened next, but suffice it to say that everyone falls into despair (and behaves accordingly). By the end of the movie, the viewer is also in despair. I'm sure glad I didn't pay to see this movie. In fact, I would pay to have the sorrow I felt permanently removed from my memory.

All-in-all, Stephen King's "The Mist" was a textbook manual of what NOT to do when monsters attack. (Word to the wise: don't freak!) Bruce Campbell's Army of Darkness is a much better handbook of how to handle yourself when the supernatural come a'callin. (Basically, get a gun, a chainsaw, and hold out 'till the cavalry arrives.) It's a shame hicksville Oregon didn't have an S-Mart.